So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We are two peas in an std pod
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
