We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
