i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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