i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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