so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My bed smells like the plague
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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