how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
