Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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