I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
