Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
