Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
