Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
