I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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