I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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