Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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