Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
