Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
