I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
