My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
