my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
