My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Success! We fucked roommates!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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