I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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