The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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