if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
