I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Even my vagina gasped.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
