Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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