He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
