can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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