I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
