JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
