Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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