Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
