her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize