how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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