im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
