I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
