mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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