Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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