Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
