This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
