I look better un-naked...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
