They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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