Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
