Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
