ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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