I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
