I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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