fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
