I hate your face
Porn is love you can see.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
