Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
