She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
