The maid of honor just puked.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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