I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
