I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
