Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
