I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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