my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
