ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize