i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
