If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
