is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize