Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
