he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
