well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize