I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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