Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
