my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
