even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
