hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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