I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
