areolas are like halos for boobs.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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