the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
