i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
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My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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