The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
