You can't motorboat a personality
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
