there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
